Bilkish Vahed

The Woman Inside

Author: Bilkish Vahed (page 1 of 10)

Sweet Longing

I know it’s counter intuitive but loooonging for something, desiring the sparkle in the distance, the seemingly unreachable dream, the tantalizing untouchable beckoning, the lost lover of the past grown bright and shining in the present – longing is sweeter than having! 

It has to be. It plays out on the inside, in the soft shelter of the imagination and the heart. No clanging clashing with reality there. 

It’s true, that for a long time I’ve been on the periphery of a great love affair with Viggo Mortensen. As Freud in A Dangerous Method, as the D.H. Lawrence quoting Master Chief in G.I. Jane, he never disappoints. Remains seductive. Alluring. I never loose my desire for him. My longing continues. There, I’ve confessed!

Viggo Mortensen in ‘G.I.Jane’

But then, of course I’ve lived too much. I know too well that should he actually take the leap (yes please!), come bounding out of the silver screen to land firmly at my side, a living breathing man (take the leap!) facing me, being with me, engaging with me, would I like him just as well? Just as consitently, always? Would my delicious, bittersweet longing transform into perennial love? Hmm, no guarantee there. 

Ugly & Beautiful

What is ugly? What is beautiful? You think you know?

I thought I did until this moment of mental whiplash. I mean just look around you. What do you see?

Big breasts, flat chests. Blonde hair, brown hair, pink hair. Blue eyes, brown eyes, grey eyes. Voluptuous hips, slim square hips. Black skin, white skin, honey-coloured skin. Wide shoulders and long arms, narrow shoulders and short arms. On and on it goes, the marked differences. Nothing and no one the same.


With all this natural difference making up the world, “ugly” and “beautiful” are ideas caught in fluidity, profoundly elusive, never quite one thing over the plurality of other possibilities.

Makes for a much more interesting and dynamic aesthetics, don’t you think?

Be a Nuisance

“I don’t want to be a nuisance,” my mother says. And for the umpteenth time I feel the upset in me spike.

“Be a nuisance, be a nuisance!” I want to scream to my generous-to-a-fault mother, who doesn’t want to be a nuisance to another.

Be a nuisance and in “being one” learn that asking for what you want, isn’t being a nuisance. It’s asking for what you want.

Why do so many of us find it hard – to ask for what we want?

Foundation, Age Spots, blah blah

Mirror , Mirror

So this past weekend I went out to buy a new foundation. My old one was finished, actually discontinued. Besides I had a new spec of what I wanted. Something lightweight on the skin, not gooey. No subtle fragrance. No ghost-like cakeyness around the eyes.

It’s not new skin that I want, not even a new face, just some refinement of the complexion. You understand, don’t you?

From counter to counter, I went. Speaking slowly I explained what I was looking for, then waited.

“Sit down,” the first consultant said. He opened a pink bottle and began spreading a liquid on my face. 

“What’s that?” I asked.

“It’s primer,” he said sternly, then continued his ministrations.

“But, but I don’t like a lot of stuff,” I said.

“When you come to a luxury house,” he snapped, arm with make-up brush temporarily held high, “this is how it’s done!” 

After primer he moved on to the actual foundation. Glancing at the bottle, I read All Hours. He had selected a long-lasting formulation, his counter’s heaviest. Had he heard me at all?

During the afternoon, I visited two other counters and was greeted by the same incomprehension. Here I was, an irritating woman who didn’t know what was good for her! I had an idea in my head that didn’t correspond to any actual product. 

Finally, at the last counter a lovely lady tried hard to fathom me. Eventually she said, “Own your skin. You’ve got good skin, except for an age spot or two, just own it and drop the foundation.”

Age spots? I’d never heard about those buggaboos. I still don’t know exactly what they are, haven’t located them on my face, but the term: “Age spot”? Hello, who invents these terms!

I say it’s time for change. “Age spot” to go. If we have to name these spots, what about “Having-Lived spot” or “Wily Wisdom spot?” Hmm, what do you think?

Be Picky

Some say, a dog and its human partner look alike over time, same twitches, same reactions, same facial expressions.

I say, the people we surround ourselves with rub off onto us. Their attitudes, behaviour, thinking, orientation to living, bleed seamlessly into us, influence our point of view. Our daily conversations with family, friends and colleagues create a culture that we become part of.

A culture of “hell-yes!” coaxes us forward, supports our dreams, facilitates our development. But a stuck in “smallness” rather than “greatness” stance – fear makes people feel small – sagely advises us to shrink our dreams to the “pitiable possible,” to settle for less.

Those who we spend our days with, wield tricky power around us.

Be picky about who you surround yourself with.

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